In this life you will have many acquaintances, even more associates, but very few friends. You would also be hard pressed to find that one true somebody who will love you for your good, bad, and needs improvement. We find people that tend to re-live the same relationships, that person that goes from one needy relationship or abusive relationship to another and relives them over and over again.
True, there is much to be said about the person that is on the giving side of the abuse or the neediness, but there is also much to be said about you on the receiving end. To illustrate, there are some women that will dress very provocatively or inappropriate for the environment that they are in and wonder why no one takes them seriously or why they can’t get a promotion. There is much to be said about taking responsibility for your actions.
In any area of your life, are you stuck in the same jobs? Are you attracting the same type of people into your life? Do you find yourself having the same arguments with different people? Are you living the same economic situations month-over-month? Are you continually asking God to give you same breakthrough time and again?
If your answer is “Yes” to any of these you may want to consider these things:
1. What is your role?
“Your role in what?” Everything! Everybody can’t be the pilot on the airplane. Some are workers, some are passengers. Are you the best worker that you can be? You were hired to full a role. Are you too busy trying to tell people how do their jobs that you always in a crunch to do yours? On the flip side of that coin, are you busy trying to do everyone else’s job that you allowed them to drop on your lap that you are now overwhelmed? Are you being a good wife, husband, parent, child, sibling, friend, etc.? Do you know what that role means?
2. Who do you have around you?
Someone once said to me “The truth hurts but it heals. A lie consoles but it destroys.” Do you have a bunch of “Yes people” around you? Do you have people that are wiser than you around you? Someone that truly loves you will not feel bad about hurting your feelings if it helps you. You may not want to hear what they have to say or do what they say that you must do…and that is your decision, but be careful if you have “friends” that are always on your side and it seems like you can do no wrong. Be even more careful of distancing yourself from those that give you the hard truth because the love you. Keep people around you that have been there and done that. Have people around you that want you to learn from their mistakes. They don’t have to be perfect people, just people that love you. Do you have a problem letting go? If God takes something out of your hands it is because He wants to bless you with something better. Why hold on to that tent when God has your name on the deed of a mansion?
3. Can you take criticism as well as you give it?
ALL criticism is good; be it constructive or not. Are you the person that it seems like everyone comes to you for advice and encouragement? Do you take the same advice that you give or do you just “try”? No one tries. They either do or they don’t. It is easy to go around passing judgment on others or telling others how to run their lives, but if you are not living what you say, then you have no credibility. A wise person said that “Pride cometh before the fall”. Are you too proud to take criticism? Are you too proud to say “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” or most importantly “I am thankful for you”? Here is a thought… if you did not want their opinion or advice, why did you tell them your situation in the first place?...could it be that you knew that they were going to tell you the truth whether you like it or not?
4. What is your relationship with God?
God fills all emptiness. We find so often that if your relationship with God is off, everything in your life will be off. Do you have a poverty mindset? Are you always physically and spiritually broke? It was a very sobering fact to know that some homeless people gross over $35K per year begging, but partially because of a poverty mindset, they stay broke. Some of the wealthiest people in the world have gone bankrupt multiple times and made it rich again. How much has been poured into your life that you handled with a beggars mentality? Learn who you are and who’s you are.
5. Who is it about?
It is interesting that some of the most giving people that I know are only giving to make themselves feel good. It does help those on the receiving end, just not the giver. Does everything have to be about you? How did your friend’s new purchase of a house or a car or their new promotion become about you? Do you find yourself trying to find validation for who you are through your degrees? Do you have to keep pointing out that you have a PhD or that you hold a certain position or that you sit on certain boards? Your job? Do you need praise and validation on a constant basis are you “high maintenance”? Your friends/associates? Are you always dropping names? Your relationships? Do most of your beliefs follow the person that you are with? Are you quoting them like they are Confucius? Do you lose yourself in your relationships? It could be that because you do not know who you are as a person, you have a constant need to validate yourself by what you think others will find appealing.
So….what’s the point in all of this? The point is that if you find yourself in a cycle or pattern of relationships or events and you do nothing to change any of the factors, the pattern continues. The one variable that you can change in any situation that you are in is you. You can not make someone love you or appreciate you. You can not mold yourself into what others want you to be…everyone wants something different. The time is now to put on Stetson and “Cowboy or Cowgirl up” and take responsibility for your part in the situation. Take care of those around you that don’t tell you what you want to hear but what you need to hear. Don’t get an attitude because someone that truly loves you hurts your feelings…they were probably telling you the hurtful truth now so that you will have to experience an even bigger hurt later. Don’t get mad at God for giving you what you asked. If you ask God to remove bad people out of your life and He does…thank Him. If you ask God to show you the TRUE person that they are and they turn out to be ugly on the inside…Praise Him. Thank God for the people that He chose for you…He has better judgment. Why be a benchwarmer when you are a Star?
Just some Food for the Soul…eat well.
Clyde Corbin, II
Monday, June 8, 2009
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