I was asked recently about what it meant to be a Black Belt. Because there are so many styles and so many schools, being a Black Belt is different to different folks.
You train for years on the basics: How to stand. How to have correct hand postion. How to throw a kick correctly. How to have good technique. Having a Black Belt just means that you have mastered the basics.
I hate to say it, but there are pleanty of schools out there that are in it for the money. They have become "Belt Factories" or "Mc Dojos". What is the purpose of martial arts if you only know enough to get beaten up? What is the reason for taking a contact activity where you are not allowed to make contact?
I think that with all of the movies out there and video games and etc. The true concept of martial arts have changed. There is no one style that is better than any other. Martial Arts is just a tool. It is up to the person to sharpen and take care of his tool and use it in a proper manner. Take what works for you and perfect it...anything else discard.
For all of you aspiring Martial Artist:
1. Look at how many young Black Belts they have. If there are a bunch of them running all over the place... you may be in a Mc Dojo.
2. Ask what the average time it takes to earn a Black Belt (3-6 years should be right).
3. How much physical work is required. If there are not a lot of push ups and etc.-RUN!
All in all, what I will say is that martial arts is an expression of yourself. No one can make you a Martial Artist. You have to look deep within yourself, set your goals and decide what you want to get out of it. You will only get out what you put in.
Soul Food...eat well.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The REAL truth about men (soapbox edition)
One of the most obvious areas in our community that need healing is in the relationships between Black men and Black women. Currently there is a basic distrust of brothers by Black women, and too many brothers approach dealing with Black women with a "pimp or die" mentality and too many women treating men like their 401-K.Without further vilifying black men or victimizing black women I want to attempt to shed some light on the inner workings of men as they deal with women and how ultimately the interactions between the two are more about a mans discovery with himself than about the relationship with the woman.In the movie The Brothers, Jennifer Lewis makes the statement that a man doesn't even know himself until he knows what kind of woman he wants. As I continue to grow, I understand that statement more and more. We as men have a tendency to define themselves through externals rather than by their inner qualities.Ask a man to tell you about himself and he will most likely begin by telling you what he does, his occupation or his possessions. It is not that men are all about the material possessions, and of all of the externals in a man's world, the thing that communicates the most about him is his choice of a woman. That is not to say that the woman he chooses will be just like him, but by looking at the woman he chooses to complement himself with, you can understand a lot about what he values, has to offer and even what he feels that he lacks.Now here is the neat part: The type of woman that a man chooses has a direct relationship to the most important woman in his life (more or less). If a man has a good relationship with his mother, he will tend to find women that mirror her. There will be just the opposite if there is a bad relationship between the two. Men also watch the dominate man in their life to see what is important to them when choosing a mate. The combination of the two along with “finding himself” usually determines what a man looks for in a woman.
Often times when a man is discovering himself he will find himself dealing with a variety of women simultaneously. Each of these women will be distinctively different from the next, but will represent a different part of the man himself. Most will have one woman with whom they simply have a good time with, she is almost like one of the boys and he has little interest in developing a romantic relationship with her. He probably will tell her the details of his dealings with other women to get a "female's point of view".Then there is the one who to him is a "good girl" and represents what he deems to be morally good and right. He will often go to her with his problems and shortcomings because he knows that she will tell him the truth about himself and his actions in an attempt to challenge him to grow mentally and spiritually.Lastly there will be his "freak". She is his proverbial booty call and blows his mind in the bedroom. He has absolutely zero interest in ever wanting anything deeper with her than sex (And in the most convenient cases neither does she). As he deals with these women and gets closer to some and further from others, he is learning what he as a man values and wants to keep permanent in his life.So while in his conscious mind he may believe that he is trying to find 'the right one' he is actually trying to find himself. As men travel between what I call the searching stage to the commitment stage, there are women who are bound to be left as casualties along the way. Sometimes it is because there is lack of honesty and integrity from the man, but many times it is due to a lack of understanding whether or not the man that she is investing in is in the searching stage or settling into the commitment stage. Now there is also something to be said about a woman not letting a man “be a man” and wanting to be submissive only when it is convenient for her (that will get a woman “booted” out of a relationship quickly).An understanding of this by both the man, and women would help the process quite a bit. Men must be responsible in communicating where he is in his development, and women must not disparage the man because he encountered her while he was in the searching stage rather than the committing stage. There is a possibility also that the woman has not decided on what she truly wants herself.The best barometer to determine which stage a man is in is his career.If a man is not settled in his career, chances are he is not settled overall and is not at the stage to commit to marriage.Moreover I would also suggest that because of the responsibility that the Bible places the man to be the provider, a man who is not settled in a career is also not fit for marriage. Unfortunately there are an increasing number of men who are being content allowing their women to be the ones who provide and attain while they reap the benefits. A real man however would never feel comfortable shacking up in his woman's home, relying on his woman's vehicle as his means of transportation, or being supported by her financially. He would rather struggle to work while finishing school or starting his business and achieving and attaining something for himself then present himself to her.
Do not get it twisted. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman that makes more than her man. There is something wrong if she is the only one that “makes”. There is an issue if she makes more than the man and equates money to power and decision making (I’m not saying she’s a gold digga…) The ultimate RESPONSIBILITY to put food on the table belongs to the man.Women who have become desperate for companionship have lowered their standards to think that supporting their man financially is acceptable as long as he loves her in return. However although most won't admit it, when a woman is supporting a man, it affects her ability to respect him and to feel secure with him. There is a difference between supporting and be supportive. A real man would not be comfortable attempting to commit to a relationship if he cannot offer the woman a sense of stability. If he does then the relationship will be destined for failure because her lack of respect for him will cause her to take more of a motherly role than that of a companion.A large part of a man's definition of his manhood is centered on being able to maintain a consistent job and support himself and his family financially. Some men go through great lengths to accomplish these goals spending long hours at work or working on his start-up business; oftentimes to the detriment of the relationships in the home that he is trying desperately to support. Many women do not understand this and often nag their man for spending too much time at work. But to compete with a man's job, is to compete with part of the essence of him, his definition of himself will cause him to emotionally withdraw from her and eventually the relationship.Until a man who is building his self-identity is able to duplicate that mental image of a man is his own life, he is not comfortable with his self-image. This insecurity makes will hinder his ability to effectively and affectionately love the woman that he desires to be with. There are too many women asking men to commit to a relationship with them before they are able to do so. She would do well to allow the man to establish himself until he is comfortable with his self-image before asking him to give himself to her before he feels worthy to do so. Actually she should require it.
Now, I must also admonish the women to make sure that you are bringing something to the table as well. There are plenty of single, heterosexual, good men out there. We too, refuse to settle for a woman that has little to offer. Ladies, try to select a man that compliments what you want out of life and stop looking at men like a 401K. Just because a man is a “Baller” does not make him a lover. Love goes a whole lot further than money.As men it is our responsibility to be uncompromisingly open and honest with the women in our lives. We must be honest about the type of man that we truly are, where we are in our development in life and what we can and cannot offer her at that time. This begins by being honest with ourselves.We cannot live beneath our expectations of manhood and we must position ourselves to provide for ourselves and our families. That means being able to provide financially, emotionally and spiritually.That is God's charge to us as men and nothing short of that is acceptable
Just a little Soul food... eat well.
Often times when a man is discovering himself he will find himself dealing with a variety of women simultaneously. Each of these women will be distinctively different from the next, but will represent a different part of the man himself. Most will have one woman with whom they simply have a good time with, she is almost like one of the boys and he has little interest in developing a romantic relationship with her. He probably will tell her the details of his dealings with other women to get a "female's point of view".Then there is the one who to him is a "good girl" and represents what he deems to be morally good and right. He will often go to her with his problems and shortcomings because he knows that she will tell him the truth about himself and his actions in an attempt to challenge him to grow mentally and spiritually.Lastly there will be his "freak". She is his proverbial booty call and blows his mind in the bedroom. He has absolutely zero interest in ever wanting anything deeper with her than sex (And in the most convenient cases neither does she). As he deals with these women and gets closer to some and further from others, he is learning what he as a man values and wants to keep permanent in his life.So while in his conscious mind he may believe that he is trying to find 'the right one' he is actually trying to find himself. As men travel between what I call the searching stage to the commitment stage, there are women who are bound to be left as casualties along the way. Sometimes it is because there is lack of honesty and integrity from the man, but many times it is due to a lack of understanding whether or not the man that she is investing in is in the searching stage or settling into the commitment stage. Now there is also something to be said about a woman not letting a man “be a man” and wanting to be submissive only when it is convenient for her (that will get a woman “booted” out of a relationship quickly).An understanding of this by both the man, and women would help the process quite a bit. Men must be responsible in communicating where he is in his development, and women must not disparage the man because he encountered her while he was in the searching stage rather than the committing stage. There is a possibility also that the woman has not decided on what she truly wants herself.The best barometer to determine which stage a man is in is his career.If a man is not settled in his career, chances are he is not settled overall and is not at the stage to commit to marriage.Moreover I would also suggest that because of the responsibility that the Bible places the man to be the provider, a man who is not settled in a career is also not fit for marriage. Unfortunately there are an increasing number of men who are being content allowing their women to be the ones who provide and attain while they reap the benefits. A real man however would never feel comfortable shacking up in his woman's home, relying on his woman's vehicle as his means of transportation, or being supported by her financially. He would rather struggle to work while finishing school or starting his business and achieving and attaining something for himself then present himself to her.
Do not get it twisted. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman that makes more than her man. There is something wrong if she is the only one that “makes”. There is an issue if she makes more than the man and equates money to power and decision making (I’m not saying she’s a gold digga…) The ultimate RESPONSIBILITY to put food on the table belongs to the man.Women who have become desperate for companionship have lowered their standards to think that supporting their man financially is acceptable as long as he loves her in return. However although most won't admit it, when a woman is supporting a man, it affects her ability to respect him and to feel secure with him. There is a difference between supporting and be supportive. A real man would not be comfortable attempting to commit to a relationship if he cannot offer the woman a sense of stability. If he does then the relationship will be destined for failure because her lack of respect for him will cause her to take more of a motherly role than that of a companion.A large part of a man's definition of his manhood is centered on being able to maintain a consistent job and support himself and his family financially. Some men go through great lengths to accomplish these goals spending long hours at work or working on his start-up business; oftentimes to the detriment of the relationships in the home that he is trying desperately to support. Many women do not understand this and often nag their man for spending too much time at work. But to compete with a man's job, is to compete with part of the essence of him, his definition of himself will cause him to emotionally withdraw from her and eventually the relationship.Until a man who is building his self-identity is able to duplicate that mental image of a man is his own life, he is not comfortable with his self-image. This insecurity makes will hinder his ability to effectively and affectionately love the woman that he desires to be with. There are too many women asking men to commit to a relationship with them before they are able to do so. She would do well to allow the man to establish himself until he is comfortable with his self-image before asking him to give himself to her before he feels worthy to do so. Actually she should require it.
Now, I must also admonish the women to make sure that you are bringing something to the table as well. There are plenty of single, heterosexual, good men out there. We too, refuse to settle for a woman that has little to offer. Ladies, try to select a man that compliments what you want out of life and stop looking at men like a 401K. Just because a man is a “Baller” does not make him a lover. Love goes a whole lot further than money.As men it is our responsibility to be uncompromisingly open and honest with the women in our lives. We must be honest about the type of man that we truly are, where we are in our development in life and what we can and cannot offer her at that time. This begins by being honest with ourselves.We cannot live beneath our expectations of manhood and we must position ourselves to provide for ourselves and our families. That means being able to provide financially, emotionally and spiritually.That is God's charge to us as men and nothing short of that is acceptable
Just a little Soul food... eat well.
Looking for love in all the wrong places
9/10/07
Many people say that they are “looking for love” or trying to find Mr./Ms. Right. Today, to quote Waylon Jennings, you are “Looking for love in all the wrong places”. Are you truly ready for love? I’ve heard many say that either “no one wants you until you have somebody” or “You can’t find a good looking person until you get into a relationship.” I stretch forward to say that if this you, you are looking for love in ALL of the Wrong places. How is that you can not find what you want until you have something? It seems that there is an issue with always wanting to “trade up”.
Are you:
Knowledgeable about who you are and what you want?
Happy with yourself?
A person that knows how to give and share completely?
You where you want to be spiritually?
You where you need to be spiritually?
Maybe the issue is that you are looking past what you see in front of you and living for the next moment and not living in the one that you are in.
Allow me to bring a thought to you: God is Love…
If you say that you are looking for love, you are really saying that you are looking for God. There is something in your life that is missing and you think that you can find fulfillment in someone else.
That process is reversed. Matthew 6:33 states, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." You should seek God 1st. A mate is a gift from God. Why would you seek the gift before seeking the giver?
If you have been in a relationship where things “just didn’t work”, you more than likely sought after the person and things just “went South”. I find myself now on the receiving end of a question that I used to ask my friends: How do you know when you have found the right one? When you find the one that He has sent for you, things become effortless. It seems like it was meant to be. You can be open around that person with out the fear of being judged or having to put up a front.
What God has for you it is for you.
A little Food for the Soul…eat well.
Rev. Corbin, II
Many people say that they are “looking for love” or trying to find Mr./Ms. Right. Today, to quote Waylon Jennings, you are “Looking for love in all the wrong places”. Are you truly ready for love? I’ve heard many say that either “no one wants you until you have somebody” or “You can’t find a good looking person until you get into a relationship.” I stretch forward to say that if this you, you are looking for love in ALL of the Wrong places. How is that you can not find what you want until you have something? It seems that there is an issue with always wanting to “trade up”.
Are you:
Knowledgeable about who you are and what you want?
Happy with yourself?
A person that knows how to give and share completely?
You where you want to be spiritually?
You where you need to be spiritually?
Maybe the issue is that you are looking past what you see in front of you and living for the next moment and not living in the one that you are in.
Allow me to bring a thought to you: God is Love…
If you say that you are looking for love, you are really saying that you are looking for God. There is something in your life that is missing and you think that you can find fulfillment in someone else.
That process is reversed. Matthew 6:33 states, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." You should seek God 1st. A mate is a gift from God. Why would you seek the gift before seeking the giver?
If you have been in a relationship where things “just didn’t work”, you more than likely sought after the person and things just “went South”. I find myself now on the receiving end of a question that I used to ask my friends: How do you know when you have found the right one? When you find the one that He has sent for you, things become effortless. It seems like it was meant to be. You can be open around that person with out the fear of being judged or having to put up a front.
What God has for you it is for you.
A little Food for the Soul…eat well.
Rev. Corbin, II
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